Yesterday was one of those tough days in life where I had to hang on to God just to make it through some of the day's events. And God is still God.
My Mother, who lives here in town has had her dog, Kinzee for (from what we can figure) over 16 years. Kinzee has been having some problems with her hips and having trouble getting up and moving around for the last couple of months. The vet had told me on the last visit that it more than likely was an arthritis type problem and would continue to limit her movements. It has gotten worse this week, she could stand when we picked her up and took her outside, but spent the rest of her time laying on her rug. And God is still God.
I went over to Mother's yesterday morning and realized that Kinzee was hurting more and sat down and had a talk with Mother. I think Mother "knew", but of course wanted to hope that there would be something the vet could do to fix what was going on. And God is still God.
We got out the sheet that I always used in my car when I took Kinzee anywhere and Mother wrapped Kinzee in the sheet and carried her out to my car. The next couple minutes were spent with Mother talking to Kinzee and then me hugging her and telling her I would let her know when I knew anything. And God is still God.
When I got to the vet I went in and talked to the receptionist and then took Kinzee into an examintin room and the vet came in. He examined her and told me that he could give her something to insure she's not hurting, but there was nothing that would "fix" her at that point. And God is still God.
He then asked me what I had in mind. I had been praying the last couple of days that when it was time, that I would make the right decisions and handle it the right way for and with Mother. I told him I thought it was time and that the best thing was not to let her suffer. And God is still God.
He talked with me about the procedure and gave me the option of staying with Kinzee or not and of having them take her afterward or my taking her and burying her. I felt a peacefulness and opted to stay with her, because I knew that Mother would most likely ask and it would be comforting to Mother to know I had been. And God is still God.
I decided that I would take Kinzee to my house and bury her there. That way there was a familiar place, where Mother would know she had been buried, as a point of remembrance. I went to the house and changed clothes and began digging. I'm not sure exactly what all the emotions were that I was experiencing during that time, however I know there were a flood of them. I realized that I had never buried a pet by myself. I realized that this was going to have an emotional impact of loss on Mother. And God is still God.
When I finished, cleaned up and changed clothes, I went and got Mother some lunch and went to her house. I walked up to the door and hugged her and told her. She was shaken and sad. We sat and talked for a long while, giving her time to take it all in and feel what she was feeling. And God is still God.
As I felt comfortable leaving Mother for a while, I told her I was going to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon. I called her early in the afternoon to check on her and could hear the sadness in her voice. I went by after work to check on her and give her a hug. And God is still God.
I am not completely sure what all God has and is teaching me through this experience, however one thing I am completely certain of it that God is still God and I am SO dependent on that fact in my life!
